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Dealing with Rebellious Kids @11:57 pm

Dealing with rebellious kids

By Alvin Chia

All parents and teachers have encountered a stand-off situation with kids who question authority and refuse to obey. It’s maddening and it’s especially bad when all have been tried, namely threatening, begging and even bribing. The child refuses to bulge simply because he no longer has respect or fear of the guardian. How has the situation degenerated to this?

Let us first recap and remember the good old days when the sky was bluer, the sun was shiner and Yes, children were more respectful. Now as kids we feared and respected some grown-ups and yet shunned and were rude to others. How did we pull it off? Simply the first rule to making sure your child obeys you and continues to do so is to make sure you do not ever lie to him. Once a child has identified a liar or someone whose words carry no value, the child’s respect for that person plummets. Never ever lie or twist your words under any circumstances.

If you promise a reward, you must deliver it. If you promise a penalty you must have it executed regardless of the personal pain it may cause you. It normally all begins when you have promised something simple like taking your child to the movies should he complete his homework. Now something crops up and you give an excuse. Such behavior may sound familiar but the negative consequence it creates in a child’s mind is infinitely disastrous. In the future, the same child would treat very lightly any promises that you make. A few more broken promises would ensure the child never ever believes any promises that the adult makes. Thus even if this adult begs or bribes, the child has learned to identify that the promises mean nothing.

The only thing worse that could happen is that the same adult fails to discipline if he promises it. I parent might warn that if the child continues to repeat a mistake, three strokes of the cane would be administered. The child repeats the mistake and when the time comes for the caning to be administered, the child begs or cries and the parent forgives and does not administer the promised strokes. What this adult has done is reinforced in the child’s mind that begging and crying would be a key to escaping punishment. In time the child no longer fears this adult and respect for him totally diminishes. The original good intent of forgiveness has now ensured the child knows this adult has no power behind his threats.

A child constantly looks for a role model to impersonate and follow. We must always deliver all our promises in order for a child to respect us and take our words at value. A rebel is often of our own making.

The biggest rebel is often not our own children but in ourselves when we know what needs to be done and do the exact opposite.

Alvin Chia is the winner of the successful entrepreneur award. He is the founder of several award winning  tuition and academic centers and continue to work with children with 14 years of experience under his belt. He can be contacted at erdnase666@yahoo.com.sg

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